In the mornings, I like to flip the TV to CNN Headline News and let it burble along in the background while I go about my business. Headline News and I have a longstanding relationship spanning at least fifteen years, so it's like having an old friend give me the important news of the morning. This alone should thrill some producer somewhere. "She's twenty-six! She's kind of hip! She watches us!"

Moving on.

Part of watching Headline News is learning to stomach an endless parade of the same six commercials. If you watch them long enough, you can build a sort of lifestyle demographic fantasy lifestyle:

• Step 1: Get rich quick! (WiFi? Junky cappuchino machine? Digital photo kiosk? Bill paying center? Minimum investment required! Premium locations going fast!)
• Step 2: Buy Hummer H2.
• Step 3: Insure Hummer with Geico.
• Step 4: Insure family with additional term life insurance for $15 a month.
• Step 5: Fight IRS with J. K. Harris and Company
• Step 6: Get old, contract diabetes. Get supplies from Wilford Brimmley.
• Step 7: Become disabled. Buy scooter from The Scooter Store. They'll fill out the paperwork for you!
• Step 8: Die.

I could be a touch cynical.

Also, is it disturbing for me to realize the Geico gecko is doing the robot to the same song as played behind the L'Oreal concealer makeup?

Thought so.