On Saturday night, after I made the last post, Adam slid up next to me on the couch and took my hand in his. This is never a good move. It's bad news tempered with sweetness, a move that means please don't kill me, but...
"What is it?"
He sighed. "Well, I had this idea."
I had this idea also runs up a little red flag.
I pulled my hand back and did the eyebrow thing and he half-smiled. "Well, I had this idea. It's almost your birthday, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And I thought it would be super-awesome to have Bob Varsha wish you a happy birthday during the shout-outs."
This would be super awesome. "That would be super awesome," I said, clapping. "It'd be 100 times better than seeing my name on Bozo or the Romper Room. But...the race is on CBS."
He hung his head. "The race is on CBS. Could you just pretend like Bob Varsha gave you the shout-out? That he was all, 'And we'd like to give a shout-out to the crew at Wolf Motosport Development and especially wish Sarah Wolf a very happy 28th birthday.'"
"In my head, Steve Matchett will say 'happy birthday, Sarah,' and then talk about the Renault aero package."
"And David Hobbes will mumble 'if she plays her cards right, she can be MY girlfriend."
"And Peter Windsor will cut in with his birthday wishes as well."
"Now you're just getting greedy."
. . .
On Sunday, we sat down with the traditional fried chicken, potato salad and booze to watch the race and we compiled our best guesses to eighth on a paper plate.
Adam: Okay, I propose a drinking game. A CBS-broadcast drinking game.
Sarah: As much as I embrace the concept of said game, um, well, the beer.
The beer in this case were four bottles of seven-ounce Corona longnecks. A cruel, cruel joke in the history of Adam's alcohol purchases.
Adam: It's a cautionary tale about buying beer before noon on a Saturday.
Sarah: Drinking game?
The CBS F1 Broadcast Drinking Game
1. Drink whenever the not-Derrick Daly host refers to the last race as last week.
2. Drink whenever Derrick Daly breaks out his Big Book of Similies.
3. Drink whenever either host mispronounces a driver's name.
4. Drink twice if it's Yuji Ide.
5. Drink when they explain to the viewers that in F1, the lap counter counts backwards.
6. Drink when they explain what a yellow flag is.
7. Drink when they yoink a factoid from the previous night's Speed broadcast.
8. Shotgun when Daly starts using the telestrator.
The next two hours were a painful exercise in missing Speed (both channel and Scott).
Somewhere around lap three
Adam: Did he just call him Takama Sata?
Sarah:Takamasata! What a wonderful phrase! Ain't no passin' craze.
Adam: Can we amend the drinking game so I get to shotgun at Lion King references. Oh, and your singing?
Sarah: Hush.
Adam: (humming quietly)
Sarah: Erh?
Adam: (humming quietly)
Sarah: Erh?
Adam: Like a light bulb!
Sarah: It's so bad, you've been reduced to humming Christmas carols to survive?
Adam: Did he just say carbon was developed for jumbo jets?
Sarah: I do believe he skipped over the troublesome periodic table and invalidated the idea of carbon-based life forms and went straight to the jumbo jets.
Adam: Like a light bulb.
Sarah: I like how Albers' roll and the subsequent safety car gets us nothing but a an "oopsie" and prolonged commercial break, but Alonso's line adjustment in the brake zone gets "OOOOOO! Out of control!"
Adam: Make it stop.
Sarah: I like how they couldn't see the blue car on the screen at the same time as the red car.
Adam: Make it stop.
Sarah: I like how they're blaming Button for his lollipop man's incompetence.
Adam: Make. It. Stop.
Sarah: Carbon! Developed for the planes! Co-opted by life.
Adam: Make. It. STAAAAAAAAAAAP!
We ended up watching the last seven laps on 4x fast forward.
Adam: Must. Make it. To. Italian national anthem. Must. Hear. Italian national anthem.
Sarah: Yeah, CBS isn't down with the constructors.
Adam: Wimper. It was the only thing sustaining me. To hear the jaunty tune. To see Schumacher direct the band. To see the sea of Ferrari red swarm the podium.
Sarah: You know what we neeed?
Adam: The WMD Ferrari Theme Song Kazoo Band?
Sarah: You know it.
Adam: The WMD Ferrari Theme Song Kazoo Band makes everything better.
"What is it?"
He sighed. "Well, I had this idea."
I had this idea also runs up a little red flag.
I pulled my hand back and did the eyebrow thing and he half-smiled. "Well, I had this idea. It's almost your birthday, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And I thought it would be super-awesome to have Bob Varsha wish you a happy birthday during the shout-outs."
This would be super awesome. "That would be super awesome," I said, clapping. "It'd be 100 times better than seeing my name on Bozo or the Romper Room. But...the race is on CBS."
He hung his head. "The race is on CBS. Could you just pretend like Bob Varsha gave you the shout-out? That he was all, 'And we'd like to give a shout-out to the crew at Wolf Motosport Development and especially wish Sarah Wolf a very happy 28th birthday.'"
"In my head, Steve Matchett will say 'happy birthday, Sarah,' and then talk about the Renault aero package."
"And David Hobbes will mumble 'if she plays her cards right, she can be MY girlfriend."
"And Peter Windsor will cut in with his birthday wishes as well."
"Now you're just getting greedy."
. . .
On Sunday, we sat down with the traditional fried chicken, potato salad and booze to watch the race and we compiled our best guesses to eighth on a paper plate.
Adam: Okay, I propose a drinking game. A CBS-broadcast drinking game.
Sarah: As much as I embrace the concept of said game, um, well, the beer.
The beer in this case were four bottles of seven-ounce Corona longnecks. A cruel, cruel joke in the history of Adam's alcohol purchases.
Adam: It's a cautionary tale about buying beer before noon on a Saturday.
Sarah: Drinking game?
The CBS F1 Broadcast Drinking Game
1. Drink whenever the not-Derrick Daly host refers to the last race as last week.
2. Drink whenever Derrick Daly breaks out his Big Book of Similies.
3. Drink whenever either host mispronounces a driver's name.
4. Drink twice if it's Yuji Ide.
5. Drink when they explain to the viewers that in F1, the lap counter counts backwards.
6. Drink when they explain what a yellow flag is.
7. Drink when they yoink a factoid from the previous night's Speed broadcast.
8. Shotgun when Daly starts using the telestrator.
The next two hours were a painful exercise in missing Speed (both channel and Scott).
Somewhere around lap three
Adam: Did he just call him Takama Sata?
Sarah:Takamasata! What a wonderful phrase! Ain't no passin' craze.
Adam: Can we amend the drinking game so I get to shotgun at Lion King references. Oh, and your singing?
Sarah: Hush.
Adam: (humming quietly)
Sarah: Erh?
Adam: (humming quietly)
Sarah: Erh?
Adam: Like a light bulb!
Sarah: It's so bad, you've been reduced to humming Christmas carols to survive?
Adam: Did he just say carbon was developed for jumbo jets?
Sarah: I do believe he skipped over the troublesome periodic table and invalidated the idea of carbon-based life forms and went straight to the jumbo jets.
Adam: Like a light bulb.
Sarah: I like how Albers' roll and the subsequent safety car gets us nothing but a an "oopsie" and prolonged commercial break, but Alonso's line adjustment in the brake zone gets "OOOOOO! Out of control!"
Adam: Make it stop.
Sarah: I like how they couldn't see the blue car on the screen at the same time as the red car.
Adam: Make it stop.
Sarah: I like how they're blaming Button for his lollipop man's incompetence.
Adam: Make. It. Stop.
Sarah: Carbon! Developed for the planes! Co-opted by life.
Adam: Make. It. STAAAAAAAAAAAP!
We ended up watching the last seven laps on 4x fast forward.
Adam: Must. Make it. To. Italian national anthem. Must. Hear. Italian national anthem.
Sarah: Yeah, CBS isn't down with the constructors.
Adam: Wimper. It was the only thing sustaining me. To hear the jaunty tune. To see Schumacher direct the band. To see the sea of Ferrari red swarm the podium.
Sarah: You know what we neeed?
Adam: The WMD Ferrari Theme Song Kazoo Band?
Sarah: You know it.
Adam: The WMD Ferrari Theme Song Kazoo Band makes everything better.
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