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Monday, April 16, 2007

Don't cha just love deja vu?

I'm not talking about a poorly executed Matrix-y black-cat-repeition scene, but that feeling of I swear, I had this dream six months ago which crops up from time to time.

When that feeling of "repeat!" hits me, I try to view it as the universe telling me my life's sticking to its preordained track, or my inner Calvinist reminding me it's all a lost cause anyway and hello fast train to hell! (Why yes, I do have Puritan ancestors; how could you tell?)

And yes, sometimes I like to indulge in a little magical thinking -- maybe those vivid-but-boring dreams do hold the key to what comes next, if only I could remember -- but most of the time I'll shake it off and go about my business.

But today that old feeling of "I have so done this before" washed over me and I just wanted to scream. To go back to that magical thinking for a moment, if this is the path the universe has laid out for me, I'd like to speak to someone in charge, seriously. I'd like a little guidence, or at least a map and a dart, or reassurance that this is as good as it gets, and darlin', it's pretty damn good.

Or a martini. I'd take a martini.

I mean, honestly.

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