Adam's watching the Survivor reunion and rolling his eyes hither and yon. I have no idea why he subjects himself -- and by extension, me -- to anything past the final vote, because it's insanity unleashed live and without a script.

But he revels in the "nattering of fools" (his words, don't sue, send candy), so I try not to complain (much). "I feel like a mental giant compared to these people," he says. "Like, my god, in every reunion these people are just so stupid. I look like Einstein compared to them!"

He's passed like seven different calculus classes, and he's worried about looking intelligent? Sometimes I don't understand guy logic.

I think the best part of watching the reunion with Adam is watching him watching it. A cut to someone voted off back in September? "Who the hell is that?" A flashback to scabbed over shoulders? "HOOOOORK!" A shot of the boats and some reminiscence of the horking incident of our own and he's laughing his ass off.

I think secretly, he wants to be on Survivor. Really, I do. I think he secretly wishes that he could sit around a roaring bon fire on an art director's idea of a ruin, and flirt with Probst. That's right. He's got a man crush on Probst, I'm pretty damn sure (I'm sorry, don't sue, send candy).

He'd do well, I think, until about the fifth hour, when the last of his fat reserves dried up and he went into thin guy hunger mode. Then, the other contestants probably wouldn't just kick him out, but possibly tie him up and roast him on a spit. It'd be a Survivor first: actual cannibalism.

Or, as Adam would say, "Something Mark Burnett has been angling for since the first season!"

He'd probably die happy.